tv Jimmy Kimmel Live ABC October 13, 2009 12:05am-1:05am EDT
>> that track will be featured on a two-disk set that will accompany a documentary of the same title "this is it." featuring jackson preparation for his london concert series. the king of pop now joins the king of rock 'n' roll, elvis presley and many others posthumously. and tomorrow night, we equivalent with evanca trump. i'm terry moran, for cynthia and martin bashir and all of us at i'm terry moran, for cynthia and martin bashir and all of us at abc news, good night, america. captions by vitac hi, i'm jimmy kimmel. on the show tonight from"
and now, stay right where you are, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hi, everyone. hello, and those of other ethnic groups with us tonight. today was or today was the first day of fall. summer is over. you know what, you can always tell when the fall is here, the air gets crisper. the days get shorter. the leaves turn from on fire to not on fire. and when the smog changes color, well, it's quite beautiful, it really is. even though we don't actually experience fall here in los angeles this year, we wanted to
making that possible. along with the fall, we also welcome a new season of "dancing with the stars." a ninth season. last night, the men danced for the first time. tonight, the women danced for the first time. separately, it's the orthodox jewish wedding of dance shows. before the season even started, four of the stars already injured. although they fought through it and danced. being a dancer is one of the most dangerous jobs in america. it's right between national crab fisherman and personal assistant to naomi campbell. this is the biggest crop of celebrities. maybe the oddest choice is former fighting champ chuck lydell who you'll see is graceful as a swan. ♪
[ laughter ] >> jimmy: chuck received a score of 22 which was later up to 25 after he put judge bruno in a submission hold. "dancing with the stars" with a very big program for the network. i remember the time they told me it's a celebrity ball room dancing competition. and i said that is the worst idea i ever heard in my life. it turned out i was wrongish. even if people don't like dances or stars watch it. last night, tomorrow, this network is making the most out of it. >> announcer: "dancing with the stars" is back. monday night, meet the contestants and watch them dance. tuesday, is day two of dancing excitement. wednesday, don't miss the first elimination night. who will go? then thursday, it's the "dancing with the stars" injury report. see who is injured or killed during the first three nights. and on friday, take a trip down memory lane, as "dancing with
the stars" pays a special three-hour contribute to season six contestant steve guttenburg. all dancing all the time. "dancing with the stars," only on abc. just hands. >> jimmy: why not, you know? worked with "millionaire." [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: every season, before the dancing start, i pick one celebrity dancer. on friday i made my prediction. that selection is donny osmond, as the great sir wesley snipes said, always bet on osmond. if he wins i get $7,000. donny did well. he got 20 points for his fox trot. another 10 for his salsa. and four more points from ellen degeneres who technically isn't even a judge on that show. he finished second behind aaron carter. i've got a lot of money on the
line here, because of that, i take this very seriously. last year, as you may know, i picked gilles marini. and he -- well, i don't want to say he blew it. let's just say he disappointed me. in fact, we have gilles with us now live via satellite. hey, gilles. >> hey, jimmy. >> jimmy: how are you doing? >> i'm almost in recovery, thanks. >> jimmy: you've been in there for a while, huh? >> four months. right after the finale, i guess. >> jimmy: how did you sustain those injuries again, gilles? >> i tripped and fell down the stairs? >> jimmy: that's right, you tripped and fell down the stairs. is there anything you want to say to donny osmond tonight. >> donny, don't fall down the stairs. >> jimmy: thank you. good advice. get better quick, pal. >> thank you, jimmy. jimmy? >> jimmy: yeah? >> i'm sorry. >> jimmy: i know you are. gilles marini, everybody.
it's a shame what happened to him. i would so hate to see that happen to donny osmond. [ laughter ] our president barack obama has been working hard to push his health care proposal. obama still wants the bill to be bipartisan, but he's a realist and given the opposition, he says now he'd be satisfied if the bill was just bicurious. the president has been making telepho1 television appearances. he did all five networks. obama was going to appear on fox news, but when he saw where they wanted to put the microphone, he backed out. that's a weird place. the president has been on so many shows lately, even ryan seacrest was like, dude, slow down. he's willing to sell the bill any way he possibly can. this morning, i saw him talking health care on the food network.
>> i've got my scallions and my peanuts chopped up and ready to go for the stormy rice. remember when it comes to a boil, turn it down. >> more people who have health care provide health insurance reforms that make insurance more secure. >> jimmy: how did he get into the stormy rice? late last night, obama was also on the maury povich show. good news, it turns out he's not the father. john edwards is. that's right. there's a report going around that john edwards is getting ready to admit that he did father a child with that woman he had an affair with during his presidential campaign. during to the "l.a. times" one of his aides wrote a book proposal which he said edwards convinced him to come forward and say he was the father of the child, which the guy did even though he was married. how do you even begin that conversation. andrew, we've been friends for a very long time. i have a favor to ask of you. we should make this man
president, if he can convince a married man to admit he fathered a child he didn't, he can convince anybody, right? come on, china [ laughter ] of course, this is speculation. we don't know that any of this happened. we won't be certain the baby is john edwards' until we see you the baby's hair responds to blow drying. with arnold schwarzenegger, the home for the disabled are were surprised by eviction notices. not to worry, captain cliche was on hand to save the day. >> i am here to tell all the people here that your eviction notice is being terminated and you can stay here. >> jimmy: you know what, we've got to get him in some other movies. it's time terminate said terminated.
the dallas cowboys unveiled their flashy new football stadium. it cost more than $1 billion on sunday night. it has the world's largest hd screen. 90 feet tall. 160 feet long. it's even bigger than my tv at home. my cousin sal loves dallas. he went this weekend. he says the screen is so big, you don't even want to watch the players on the field. you're watching the television. he shot home video. he's in the stands. you won't believe the size of this tv. >> quiet, i'm trying to watch tv. shhh. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: he loves the cowboys
are but he really loves neal patrick harris. a shocker last week on celebrity jeopardy. you probably heard about this, wolf blitzer from cnn was competing against andy richter and dana delaney. not only did wolf lose the game but lost by $75,000. wolf had negative $4,600. which is surprising because he seems so smart on tv in that situation room. >> king david and jesus both hailed from this town. wolf? >> what is jesus town? >> no. >> andy? >> what is bethlehem. >> this is wrapped in corn husk. >> what is lasagna? >> no. >> what is a tamale.
>> what is private pony? >> no. >> no. >> yes. dana? >> who is johnny depp? >> correct. in today's final, we're dealing with famous actors. here is the clue. ironically, he lost the leading role in the 1960 play "the best man" because he didn't look presidential. all right. wolf, we'll start with you. which famous actor did you think of. you wrote down. >> i'm sorry, that is incorrect. >> so is your face. >> thank you, all. great time. so long, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: looks a little bit like my dad. we have a good show. carmelo anthony is here. kid cudi is here. we'll be back with david duchovny. stick around. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ step right up and don't be shy ♪ okay, who had the "opposite sex repellent" meal?
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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we're back. and tonight from the denver nuggets here to talk about his new shoe. he got a new shoe that he wants to talk. it's called the jordan melo m-6, carmelo anthony is here. kanye west he has written songs for. it's called "man on the moon" kid cudi. tomorrow night, courteney cox will be here. the first of the "dancing with the stars." and tommy lasorda friday. lebron james will be here friday
as well. ester dean will be here. there's too many guests, aren't there? we're going to cut back on a few of them. we'll see which ones we wind up with. somewhere on the way to earning his ph.d. at yale, starting this sunday, he's back on campus for the third time on his hit series "californication." please welcome david duchovny. [ cheers and applause ] >> thank you. >> jimmy: good to see you. i know you moved from l.a. back to new york. >> yeah, where i'm from. >> jimmy: i hope i didn't have anything to do with that. >> no -- now that you mention it. no, you didn't. >> jimmy: you just wanted to be closer to regis. >> i wanted to be able to jump in there and sub. >> jimmy: yeah.
>> it's been an odd transition, i figured since i was from there that i'd be at home again. but it's not the case. >> jimmy: i assume you live in an apartment. >> yeah, i live in an apartment. >> jimmy: that's got to be a different thing. going from the big place. >> i don't know what's going on in the apartment above me. it's sort of like this. >> jimmy: oh, really? do you confront them at all. >> no. i have no idea who they are. >> jimmy: you don't. you're not confrontational like that? >> in new york i am. >> jimmy: do you have -- like what i would do, i would probably be nonconfrontational also but i would find ways to quietly fight back. >> how would you do that? >> jimmy: i'd maybe buy the apartment above them and hire clog dancers. >> you got a pen? >> jimmy: i'll write these things down. even simple things like sending pizzas to their house in the middle of the night. there are things you can do to remedy a situation like that.
it's something to think about. do the kids like being in new york? >> i'm trying to get them to stop picking stuff up off the street and eating it. my son goes to the school that i went to. >> jimmy: that's good. >> my daughter goes to the school that my wife went to. >> jimmy: really? >> yeah. they're both same-sex schools. >> jimmy: they're gay schools? >> no. >> jimmy: that is something. so it's an all-boys school and an all-girls school. >> i can't get anything by you. >> jimmy: i'm right on top of everything. in fact, i'm in the apartment on top of you. [ laughter ] >> i go to pick up my son, it's odd because it's the school i went to. it's changed a little and it's very much the same. and there are even a couple teachers there. >> jimmy: oh, there are. >> yeah. there's one who was very nice. there was another, he acted like i still owe him homework.
>> jimmy: really? >> yeah. all of a sudden, i just felt like american history assignment, just gone. >> jimmy: now, do you have -- sometimes, you maintain that kind of fear of those teachers. >> yeah, sure. >> jimmy: and did he not like you, this teacher? >> i don't remember. this was 1835. i can't remember that far back. >> jimmy: is it possible that he was upset that he was teaching and you went on to become successful. >> honestly, i don't think he recognized me. >> jimmy: really? >> no. >> jimmy: were you a good kid? >> yeah, in that kid, i was a good kid. >> jimmy: in that school? which school weren't you a good kid? >> i was a pretty good kid. >> jimmy: it wasn't one of those deals which the teacher would read your name and say duchovny's in the class? >> they usually mispronounced the name. >> jimmy: did you get good
grades? >> yeah. >> jimmy: you went to yale, unless you were a really, really great basketball player. >> there i am. >> jimmy: you were the only one kneeling. >> why the laughing? i'm not kneeling, i was very short. >> jimmy: it's like a dwarf video. [ laughter ] that's a funny shot, no one's heads are visible. >> it looks like i never toughed the basketball. it looks like i'm gingerly touching it. they put the captain on the ground like that. when melo comes out here, he doesn't want any part of what i'm talking about. >> jimmy: oh, that's right. >> i don't have my own shoe, but i play. >> jimmy: you probably have plenty of shoes at home. maybe more than he did. he's a lot younger than you. >> yeah, in numbers of shoes. >> jimmy: that would be quite a competition. one of the gayest competitions you've ever had. >> i'm prepared for that if i go
to the same-sex school. >> jimmy: what did you do with the kids? i heard you took a trip? >> we took a bus trip. we took a trip. this rock 'n' roll bus. it's a lot of bus very little for anybody who wants to be in there who is not sleeping. 12 bunks. there's only four of us. there was all bunks. there as was a toilet but we were advised not to go in it. >> jimmy: that's great. really? >> well, we could go number one. number two, they suggested that you lay something like this first. >> jimmy: right. >> so i became my own dog. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's nice. >> yeah. >> jimmy: you didn't actually use this one, did you? thank you, by the way. sometimes it brings a story to life when you bring props. >> i thought i was going to rely on it more than i did. >> jimmy: i thought so, too,
when i came out here tonight. [ laughter ] but, anyway -- >> we took it first to vegas. let me tell you something, i haven't been to vegas a lot. but i will tell you, you should know this, that children aren't allowed to gamble. >> jimmy: well, i grew up in las vegas, actually. i am aware that children aren't allowed to gamble. did you really not know that kids were not allowed to gamble? >> i didn't know. i know they're not allowed to smoke or drink. >> jimmy: yeah, they didn't gamble. >> i thought, if they had money, why can't they gamble. >> jimmy: take it up with the governor, i guess. i don't know. >> you got to go through the casino to get to the room. we were walking through, i said, let's gamble. i live my son some money. he's going up to one-armed bandit. i said, let's take a picture. this apparently is also illegal. to take picture of an adult
gambling is illegal. let alone a child. i get my photo out, a hand is on my shoulder, sir, no children, no pictures. all right. i don't know your customs here. >> jimmy: that's right. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: what did they do? make you erase the picture or did they let you go on your way? >> they let us go. we had to give back our winnings, though. my son was hot. >> jimmy: you mknow what, thoug, it's probably good he didn't gamble. a similar thing happened to my cousin sal. my aunt chippy took him there. he hit on the slot machine at the bowling alley. he's been dangerously addicted to gambling. >> that's a beautiful story. >> jimmy: what else did you do? >> we left vegas then we went to amish country where we spent a full day with an amish family.
the amish live like it's 19th century or some time before there was cars. >> jimmy: no electricity, no tour buses. they do have plumbing, though. >> yeah, they do. we why do you have the bags for? let me show you something called toilet. we went there, it was refreshing, i had no idea -- >> jimmy: they didn't know you. oh, yeah. >> the son, we found out later on when he showed up, he recognized my wife from "bad boys." >> jimmy: the amish are martin lawrence fans. >> well, they loved that "bad boys." and "bad boys i." they were interested in coming to see the bus. they came back and saw the bus. that's when they told us we should not be doing it in bags.
we went to texas. went to the big texan. do you know what the big texan is? >> jimmy: i know what it is. >> it's a steak restaurants, where if you can eat this 72-ounce steak, you get it for free, within an hour. if you don't, you pay $72. do you have the rules? i only brought the bag. >> jimmy: let's take a quick break, we'll get the rules. i know they have a webcam. >> they do, 24-hour -- however long the restaurant is open, they have a live webcam on whoever -- whatever poor soul is trying to eat 72 ounces of meat. >> jimmy: we'll come back and go on the internet if we can get it to work and watch someone eat meat. isn't that something? >> that's something. >> jimmy: david duchovny "californication." sunday nights on show time.
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>> stacy. >> that's right. >> you're the dean of this finest. >> correct. >> which would make you? >> never heard that one before. >> i'd like to see you talk and do the dance. come on, i can't be the only one? >> jimmy: that's "californication," david duchovny. >> the actor who is displays that there, who was cut from that clip is my oldest friend in the world, jason begay. we went to that school together. >> jimmy: that scene is hilario hilarious. we obviously couldn't show it. what we have on the video cam right now is a guy, who i don't know if he knows that he's on or
not, i have no idea. >> he knows he's on, but he doesn't know he's on the tv show. >> jimmy: yeah, but he is trying to eat the 72 ounces. and he looks like he started about 8 1/2 minutes ago. >> i don't know. he doesn't look big enough. >> jimmy: he doesn't look big enough. sometimes, people are deceptive about what they can eat. there's a very small asian woman who is one of the fastest eaters in the world. >> they told me the record was somebody ate the 72-ounce steak with the baked potato and shrimp cocktail. in 11 minutes. then he goes, but that was a professional. >> jimmy: they do have those. it's nice to not only eat the five pounds of steak but also have the sides along with it. >> you got to keep it down for a certain amount of time afterwards. >> jimmy: this guy's going to attempt to do it. if he gets it, it will be free. >> look at that big boot of beer he's drinking there. he doesn't look confident to me.
>> jimmy: i hope that god forbid if anything happens, he gets to be in the memoriam montage at the emmys next year. wouldn't that be nice? >> i think it would be great tv to stay on that 15 minutes. >> jimmy: we may have to. alert the affiliates. david duchovny, watch his show "californication" sunday nights 10:00 p.m. on show time. we'll be right back with carmelo anthony. hi-- number two, please.
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>> i heard in the back. i heard in the back. >> give us another ten years or so. >> jimmy: how are you doing? good to see you? >> i feel better than ever. >> jimmy: i haven't seen you personally without the braids. >> it's new for me, man. >> jimmy: in case people don't recall, you used to have braids like an indian princess. and what happened, why did you get rid of them? >> you know what, as it time for a change. i had them since i was in the tenth grade, man. >> jimmy: i liked them. >> i did, too. a lot of people wanted me to cut them, a lot of people didn't want me to cut them. once we got obama, man, it was time for change. i followed in his footsteps. >> jimmy: i don't think that's what he had in mind, necessarily. everything's going well for you, i guess? >> yeah. >> jimmy: you got the shoe. how does it work, it's a nike shoe, but a jordan brand shoe.
>> it's a jordan shoe. >> jimmy: it's a jordan shoe. >> i have my own signature line through the jordan brand. >> jimmy: you mean michael jordan, right? >> michael jordan, right. i call him jordan. >> jimmy: what would be a less formal thing to call him. you don't call him mike, though. >> no, i call him m.j. or jordan. >> jimmy: is that right? doesn't he like people calling him mike? >> i don't know. you need to try it. >> jimmy: are you guys buddies? >> yeah. >> jimmy: he has to approve you -- >> he's my friend. my mentor. but my boss at the end of the day, too. >> jimmy: what kind of advice does he give you as your mentor? >> as far as what, though? >> jimmy: as far as anything goes. does he really sit down and give advice? i hear about people having mentors. i don't have what in my life. >> he's there when you need him. >> jimmy: besides there. that's just recent. >> he's always been there for
me. good times, bad times, he's always been there. we build that relationship. it's only going to get better through the years. i have to sell shoes for him. >> jimmy: did you consult him about the braids? >> no, actually, i didn't consult anybody. nobody knew i was going to do it, before the first game with the lakers. >> jimmy: you didn't talk to your priest or no one? >> no one new. >> jimmy: you just shaved them off. >> 20 minutes. >> jimmy: you end up losing to the lakers on your birthday. >> bad birthday present. >> jimmy: which say bummer. >> i got another birthday coming up. i think i'm going to be playing on my birthday again. >> jimmy: you think you're going to play on your birthday again. you did play great, as david mentioned. did you feel like, oh, well, at least i did well? >> oh, no, of course not. [ laughter ]
>> jimmy: because there's only so much you can do. that's my motto, by the way. my mentor david said. you know what, there's only so much you can do [ laughter ] >> i cannot take that approach and i will not take that approach. >> jimmy: you will not? >> no. that's selfish, man. >> jimmy: that's a selfish approach. if only i had a mentor, i would know that. >> do you guys have slow poor outside shooting, no defense playing 40-something bench? >> you know what, i need to talk to you anyway after the show. >> i might be overselling myself. >> jimmy: i've seen david play basketball. he's a very good player. he was the captain of his high school team. >> was he? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: carmelo, were you the captain of your high school team? >> no, i wasn't. actually, i wasn't. >> jimmy: so he's probably better than you? [ laughter ] >> being a captain of a high
school team. >> jimmy: you're getting a great honor at syracuse university where you played. they're naming a whole building after you. >> they should, if i donated all that money to them. [ cheers and applause ] >> no, you know, that's just -- [ laughter ] that's just a great thing, though, man. not too many people that i can count on one hand that the amount of people, athletes that have a building named after them. >> jimmy: there's not too many of them. >> when i'm dead and gone, that building is going to be here for me. unless they knock it down. >> jimmy: unless you go, they change the name on it. somebody else gives the money. >> exactly. >> jimmy: that's pretty cool. you didn't grant from syracuse, right? you left to go to the nba. >> you know what they should just take this and mike that my diploma. >> jimmy: they should make that your diploma. how much did you give them? millions, right?
>> yeah. >> jimmy: millions? >> millions of dollars. >> jimmy: that seems worth a diploma. what does a diploma cost anyway. >> they probably should give you a ph.d.. >> jimmy: they should. that would be exciting. do you get the key to the building? >> i should have 24-hour access to that building. >> jimmy: what kind of a building will it be? >> it's the men and women's basketball team practice facility. it's got all of that now. >> jimmy: it does. maybe you and your family can vacation there, david. >> that would be nice. >> jimmy: we should bring this up because how many pairs of shoes do you personally own? >> probably about 300 to 400 pairs of shoes. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: david? [ laughter ] >> i'd have to go individual shoes. >> jimmy: really? 300 to 400? >> yeah. >> jimmy: where do you keep them?
>> all in that building. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: you are a regular carrie from "sex and the city" around you? congratulations. good to see you. good luck on the shoe. next season, i hope you have a better birthday. carmelo anthony. the jordan melo m-6. david duchovny. we'll be back with kid cudi. ready for a refreshing new twist on bud light? ♪
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(announcer) advair contains salmeterol. salmeterol may increase the chance of asthma-related death. so advair is not for asthma that's well controlled on another controller medicine. advair will not replace fast-acting inhalers for sudden symptoms... ...and should not be taken more than twice a day. talk to your doctor about the risks and benefits of advair. if you take advair, see your doctor if your asthma does not improve or gets worse. if you're still having symptoms... ...ask your doctor how to help prevent them with advair. (announcer) get your first prescription free and save on refills. advair. now you know. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: the cd called "man on the moon the end of the day." here with the song "day n night." ♪ yeah yeah yeah day n night
♪ i toss and turn i keep stressing my mind mind what what ♪ i look for peace but see i don't attain what what ♪ now look at this madness to magnet keeps attracting me, me ♪ i try to run but see i'm not that fast ♪ i think i'm first but surely finish last ♪ ♪ sing along if you know the words day n night ♪ the lonely loner seems to free his mind at night ♪ ♪ day n night the lonely stoner seems to free his mind at night ♪ ♪ he's all alone some things will never change ♪ the lonely loner seems to free his mind at night ♪ ♪ hold the phone what what the
lonely stoner what what ♪ he's on the move can't seem to shake the shade ♪ ♪ within his dreams he sees the life he made made ♪ ♪ the pain is deep what what a silent sleeper you won't hear a peep peep ♪ what what ♪ sing along if you know the words ♪ ♪ day n night day n night the lonely stoner seems to be free his mind at night. he's all alone some things will never change seems to be all right ♪ ♪ yeah yeah yeah ♪ now slow mo what what when the tempo slows up and creates that new new ♪ he seems alive though he's
in the ship's main dining room on royal caribbean with a look at the news guiseppe from italy found lady luck on deck 11. the agnarelli's explored the ancient wonders of turkey. back on the ship, the royal caribbean performers brought down the house. and finally, tamara and christian danced the night away. that's the news. i'm eileen, cruising with royal caribbean. why aren't you? (announcer) call 1800 royal22 today.
- let's go with the... - basic package. good choice. only meineke let's you choose your service, choose your savings. like an oil change for just $19.95. at meineke, you're always the driver. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thanks to david duchovny, thanks to carmelo anthony. gilles marini, he's alive. i want to apologize to matt damon we ran out of time. tomorrow night, courteney cox and the first two castoffs from